I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Randomize
