I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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