fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize