Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
