im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
