apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
