Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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