Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
