i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
