you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
