Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize