I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
