The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
