Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
