Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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