i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
