It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
