look no pants
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
