I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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