Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
