i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
