I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
