I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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