Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
