i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
All I want is dick and wine.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
