Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
