I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
