does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
