I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize