Pregnant stripper...not hot.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
