haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
