she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
