he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
