I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
