i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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