Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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