He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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