I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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