if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
