3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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