Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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