I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we're making bets on your personal life
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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