I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
