At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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