ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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