My room smells like vodka and shame
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
