after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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