I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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