this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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