Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
