Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
