Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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