Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
