covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
