and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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