How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
