They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
