so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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