at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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