Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
