Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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