Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize