why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
