I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
