I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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