i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
