Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think I died a long time ago.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
