Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Actions speak louder than pants.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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