Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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