I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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