you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
