i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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