Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
