You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
