I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
