the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize